


Incorrect LWA Quotes

by TracedInAir



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/F, Humour, It's basically a vine / tumblr shitpost comp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TracedInAir/pseuds/TracedInAir
Summary: Akko: I’ve been building Diana’s trust for months with high fives.Akko: Today I’m gonna hit her with a “too slow.”Akko: Welcome to the real world.(Aka the LWA meme comp that absolutely nobody asked for but I'm making anyway)
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari, Hannah England/Amanda O'Neill
Comments: 133
Kudos: 404





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not a single joke in here is original material. If you are the person that came up with any of them, I am so sorry.

_Mama Bear_

**Ursula:** I’ve only known Akko for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this school and then myself.

* * *

_Can’t Catch Me, Gay Thoughts!_

**Barbara:** Hey, you OK?

 **Diana:** Yes, I just haven’t been able to think straight lately.

 **Diana’s Internal Monologue:** _Boobs. Two girls holding hands. Akko’s butt._

* * *

_Sucy’s Tastes_

**Amanda:** Hey bro, can I get a sip of that water?

 **Sucy:** It’s not water.

 **Amanda:** Ayy vodka, I like your style.

 **Sucy:** It’s vinegar.

 **Amanda:** …what.

 **Sucy:** It’s vinegar, _pussy._

* * *

_Cafeteria with the Green Team_

**Amanda:** Hey Jasna what you wanna eat?

 **The Demon inside Jasminka’s stomach:** _The souls of the innocent._

 **Jasminka:** A bagel.

 **The Demon:** _No!_

 **Jasminka:** …Two bagels.

* * *

_The Happiness Box_

**Ursula:** Alright class, I’ve got a box here, and I want you to put something that makes you happy in the happiness box!

 **Akko:** Can I put Lotte in the box?

 **Ursula:** No.

 **Barbara:** Can _I_ put Lotte in the box?

 **Ursula:** No!

 **Sucy:** Can I-

 **Ursula:** Nobody is putting Lotte in the box!

* * *

_The Long Con_

**Akko:** I’ve been building Diana’s trust for months with high fives.

 **Akko:** Today I’m gonna hit her with a “too slow.”

 **Akko:** Welcome to the real world.

* * *

_Amanda is Fine_

**Amanda:** The worst thing in the world is when you say something as a joke and everyone’s like ‘hey that’s not normal are you ok?’ Please stop psychoanalysing me, I don’t have emotions, I’m clown.

* * *

_Diana is Fine_

**Diana:** I need a hug, but I would sooner perish than acknowledge that I am a human being that desperately craves intimacy.

* * *

_Too Far_

**Barbara:** Yeah so not only did I break up with him, I showed everyone his NightFall fanfic and we all laughed at how bad his AU ideas were.

* * *

_It’s OK she’s just a Little Tsundere_

**Hannah:** Let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’ll go first. 

**Amanda:** OK.

 **Hannah:** Alright! I hate you.

* * *

_ A Beautiful Poem _

**Diana:** She is a goddess to me.

**Diana:** My sun and my moon.

**Diana:** A luscious garden of beauty.

**Diana:** My ship through the storm.

**Diana:**

**Diana:** And that  _ butt- _

* * *

_The Kagari-Antonenko Diet, Patent Pending_

**Akko:** Remember friends, portion control is important for a healthy diet. So today I will only be eating _one_ jar of cookie butter.

* * *

_Not Stonks_

**Amanda:** And in unfortunate news, the sexual position formerly known as the “69” will now be known as the 96, due to the increased cost of eating out.

* * *

_Rivals to Lovers Forever_

**Akko:** Careful, you’re making this sparring scene kinda homoerotic.

 **Akko:** Watch out, you kinda sound like you’re flirting when you argue.

 **Akko:** Diana, I’m serious! You’re making our esteemed rivalry look so gay oh my god!

* * *

_Checking Your Privilege_

**Ursula:** Amanda, a lot of people at this school are scared of you.

 **Amanda:** That’s because they’re all a bunch of bitch ass white girls.

 **Ursula:** I hate to break it to you, but you’re also a bitch ass white girl.

* * *

_LGBT Icon_

**Diana:** They’re called “gay rights” because I am gay and I am always right.

* * *

_She Has Been Waiting Her Entire Life For This Moment_

**Amanda:** Even if you strike me down, my plan is unstoppable. Joe’s actions will ensure my victory.

 **Diana:** What? Who is this Joe?

 **Amanda:** _*Deep breath*_

* * *

_Religious Education_

**Sucy:** One of my favourite things to do living in England is to just pretend I know absolutely nothing about Christianity.

 **Sucy:** Someone says they’re going to church I’ll say “what’s that?” and act completely clueless.

 **Sucy:** The really funny thing is the Philippines are majority Christian and anyone who knows that would _know_ I’m messing with them but they never figure it out.

 **Sucy:** They always fall over themselves to explain everything and I’m like “huh, sounds weird.”

 **Sucy:** One time I asked Andrew what Christmas was and he said “the anniversary of the birth of Jesus Christ” and I said “oh cool, who’s that?”

 **Sucy:** I think I gave him brain damage.


	2. Chapter 2

_ When You Lose The Prank War _

**Akko:** You played me like a fiddle!

**Sucy:** Oh no, Akko.

**Sucy:** Fiddles are difficult to play.

**Sucy:** I played  _ you _ like the cheap kazoo you are.

* * *

_ No _

**Amanda:** I think I’m falling for you.

**Hannah:** Get up.

* * *

_ Be Gay, Do Witchcraft _

**Barbara:** Am I the only straight person in this school?

**Amanda:** We’ve heard how you talk about Diana, you don’t count.

* * *

_ His Heart’s in the Right Place _

**Akko:** Wow Diana’s gorgeous.

**Andrew:** Don’t be jealous Akko, you are gorgeous yourself.

**Akko:** I’m not being jealous right now I’m being gay.

* * *

_ Out and Proud _

**Diana:** I’m proud to identify as morosexual.

**Diana:** I’m attracted to dumbasses, and dumbasses exclusively.

**Diana:** Akko once asked me what the Spanish word for “tortilla” is and now I dream of kissing her under the moonlight.

**Akko:** Hey Diana, what kind of animal is the Pink Panther.

**Diana, already taking off her clothes:** Akko you’re so stupid.

* * *

_ Instead of Brain there is Fanfic _

**Lotte:** So I have a headcanon about magic-

**Diana:** Can you not say ‘theory’ or ‘hypothesis’ like everyone else?

**Lotte:** No.

* * *

_ She’s So Good With Kids _

**Akko, talking to a 3-year old:** Now dear, I know Chase the police pup from Paw Patrol  _ seems _ nice but he’s what we call a  _ class traitor. _

* * *

_ Her Morality may be Flexible but her Sexuality is Not _

**Chariot:** If a hot evil villain tried to seduce me to the dark side I would simply say hell yes.

**Chariot:** RIP to the rest of you but I’m gonna get it.

* * *

_ Episode 24, Finale _

**Akko:** We won!

**The Noir Missile, rising into space, hell bent on death and devastation:**

**The New Nine:**

**Chariot:**

**Diana, starting to point:**

**Akko:** Nope. We won. I am  _ not _ turning around and looking at whatever that is. We won.

* * *

_ The Real Lesson Was The Girlfriends We Made Along The Way _

**Akko:** I learned one important lesson from this debacle.

**Diana:** I’m assuming it was some terrible distortion of the lessons you should have  _ actually _ learned-

**Akko:** Death isn’t real and I’m basically God.

* * *

_ Waste Not Want Not _

**Sucy:** Necromancy? You mean human recycling?

* * *

_ A Class Above _

**Amanda:** Your boyfriend is a clown. I, meanwhile, am the entire circus.

* * *

_ Obsessive, Much? _

**Akko:** Oh great, a new hyperfixation! This should keep me going for the next five hours or fifteen years.

* * *

_ Dangerous Games _

**Daryl:** We lured you here because I crave the most dangerous game.

**Akko, nodding:** Ah, Knife Monopoly.

**Daryl:** Actually my snakes and I were going to hunt you for sport but now I’m really interested in whatever Knife Monopoly is.

* * *

_ Real Lotte Loving Hours _

**Lotte:** _*Eating a cinnamon roll*_

**Sucy:** Cannibalism.

**Lotte:** _*Confused chewing noises*_

* * *

_ This joke is also OVA Diana _

**Woodward:** So what is it that motivates you?

**Croix:** To be better than everyone. Because I hate everyone. And I want to be better than them and I want them to  _ know _ that I’m better.

* * *

_ She’s Learning _

**Diana, seeing a knocked over rubbish bin:** Big… 

**Diana, looking at Akko for assurance:** Mood?

**Akko:** I’m so proud of you.

* * *

_ NB Amanda Propaganda Zone _

**Amanda:** I don’t identify as “male” or “female” I identify as a  _ problem. _

* * *

_ Freud was a Dumbass Propaganda Zone _

**Akko:** Freud once said that bisexuality is evidence of an undeveloped brain and honestly? I’m living proof.

* * *

_ Peer Pressure _

**Finnelan:** You three. Explain. Now.

**Sucy:** It was Akko.

**Lotte:** It was Akko.

**Akko:** It was Akko.

**Akko:** Wait sh-

* * *

_ U-Haul Witches _

**Diana:** Should I tell her she looks nice?

**Hannah:** Yes!

**Diana:** Should I tell her I’ve missed her?

**Barbara:** Of course!

**Diana:** Should I show her the oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grandchildren?

**Hannah:**

**Barbara:**

**Diana:** Maybe I’ll save that for the second date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey so I'm struggling with writing rn and doing these takes literally no effort so I'm doing that instead I'm sure this is the healthy and smart way to deal with it lmaoooooooooooo


	3. Chapter 3

_ Akko x Food OTP _

**Akko:** Just discovered a neat trick! If you make brownies, but don’t cut them up, you can eat the whole slab and say you just ate one brownie!

**Lotte:** Please do not do this.

* * *

_ RIP Isaac Newton _

**Akko:** Fellas, is it gay to be gay?

**Diana:** According to historians? No.

* * *

_ At Least It Wasn’t Revolving _

**Akko** :  _ *Pushing on a door marked Pull* _

**Amanda, gathering a crowd:** Push harder!

* * *

_ Florence Nightingale Syndrome _

**Akko:** Don’t suppose there’s anyone around here willing to tenderly clean, stitch, and bandage my wounds while calling me an idiot in an exasperated yet fond tone of voice?

**Akko:** Blondes preferred.

* * *

_ She Tries _

**Akko:** So, what’s your type?

**Diana:** Short, excitable, brown hair, dumb, red eyes.

**Akko:** Heh, kinda sounds like me! Too bad I’m not a boy.

**Diana:** Did I mention dumb?

**Akko:** Yep!

**Diana:** Good.

* * *

_ Putting the Academia in Little Witch Academia _

**Akko:** Why must my essay be supported by “textual evidence?” Is it not enough for my arguments to be sexy and unhinged?

* * *

_ Password Trouble _

**Sucy:** Did you know if you type your password in, it gets blocked out. ********** see?

**Amanda:** PussySlayer69

**Amanda:** .

* * *

_ Episode 20 Ending (2017, Colourised) _

**Diana:** In light of the aid you offered me, I will permit you to hug me for 4 to 5 seconds.

**Akko:** I can hug you for 45 seconds!?

**Diana:** No-

**Akko:** Too late!

* * *

_ Patrician Taste _

**Barbara:** Wow, please improve your taste in men.

**Amanda:** I’m a lesbian, my taste in men literally cannot be improved further.

* * *

_ ADHD Akko Headcanon Zone _

**Akko:** Cleaning the room is like being a shark, it’s all about momentum. You gotta keep going, if you stop you will straight up die.

* * *

_ Hero with a Half-Brain _

**Diana:** As you’re aware, the Sistine Chapel was painted by Michaelangelo-

**Akko:** You can’t fool me Diana, I know the ninja turtles aren’t real.

* * *

_ Restraint _

**Hannah:** I’m a moderate, peaceful woman, truth be told.

**Barbara:** Just yesterday you threw a chair at Amanda.

**Hannah:** Which was a moderate, peaceful compromise from the  _ table _ I was initially planning to launch at her.

* * *

_ The Importance of Forgiveness _

**Diana, at Daryl’s Funeral:** She’s dead.

**Everyone Staring:**

**Diana:** Oh no… Not that bitch…  _ What do you expect me to say!? _

* * *

_ Pros and Cons _

**Akko:** Upsides of dating a horse girl: Great on top, rich family, free oats.

**Akko:** Downsides: If you sprain an ankle, she’ll shoot you.

* * *

_ Two Types of People _

**Barbara:** What do you all think the prettiest word in the English language is?

**Lotte:** Aurora. I think it’s a beautiful word that reminds me of home, a word that is somehow as lovely as the wonder of nature that it represents.

**Amanda:** Boobs.

* * *

_ A Difference in Scope _

**Akko:** Do you ever see something so amazing that it just changes your entire life?

**Diana:** Yes, I saw you.

**Akko:** That’s so sweet and lovely and it really takes the wind out of this cause I was about to show you a video of Amanda walking into a stop sign.

* * *

_ She Chose… Poorly _

**Amanda:** Trick or yeet!

**Diana:** Yeet?

**Amanda:** She has chosen “yeet!”

**Constanze, writing:** Yeet it is.

**Diana:** What?

**Jasminka:** _*Launches Diana out the window*_

* * *

_ The Ultimate Torture _

**Amanda:** Sucks that we’re stuck here with just the two of us.

**Diana:** _*Dabs*_

**Amanda:** WH-

**Diana:** No one will ever believe you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Fiction chapter is nearly done I promise lmao


	4. Chapter 4

_ Checking Up on One’s Friends _

**Lotte:** Hey Sucy, are you OK?

**Akko:** Yeah, we haven’t seen any dramatic lightning flashes lately.

**Lotte:** Or an ominous murder of crows flying overhead.

**Akko:** We haven’t even heard your maniacal laugh in a week, we’re worried.

* * *

_ Shiiiiiinyyyyyyyyyy…  _

**Akko:** Archery is just pre-murder dabbing.

* * *

_ Public Service Amandas _

**Amanda:** Some people really need to be told to shut the hell up more.

**Amanda:** Not me though I’m  _ hilarious. _

* * *

_ Honestly not even in the top 100 most dangerous things she does on a daily basis _

**Ursula:** Let me see what you have there?

**Akko:** A knife!

**Ursula:** No!

* * *

_ Episode 23 Summarised _

**Akko:** Hey, how you doin, well I’m doin just fine, I lied, I’m dying inside.

* * *

_ Florence Nightingale Syndrome, Part 2 _

**Akko:** Diana got me a “get better soon” card.

**Lotte:** Aww, that was sweet of her!

**Akko:** I wasn’t sick. She just thought I could do better.

* * *

_ It Really Is That Easy _

**Diana:** You’re late.

**Akko:** I love you.

**Diana:** You’re forgiven.

* * *

_ Wording Choices _

**Croix:** I want to change the world!

**Chariot:** For the better?

**Croix:**

**Chariot:**

**Croix, sweating:**

**Chariot:** Answer me Croix!

* * *

_ Full Marks For Trying _

**Diana, struggling:** Akko, could you help me with this dress?

**Akko:** Sure!

**Diana:** _Up,_ Akko.

**Akko:** Oh. Sorry.

* * *

_ No Marks For Trying _

**Daryl:** You’ll be pleased to know I arranged the birthday cake for your… girlfriend’s party… at the Manor.

**Diana:** It says “Happy 15th birthday Echo.”

**Daryl:** Did I guess her age incorrectly? My apologies.

**Diana:** .

* * *

_ Poor Choice of Words _

**Ursula:** Akko… you can be somewhat destructive.

**Akko:** _I can!?_

**Ursula:** That’s not what I meant-

**Akko:** Too late Professor, already broke something!

* * *

_ The Due Gravitas _

**Akko:** Whoops.

**Diana:** Whoops?  _ Whoops!? _ This is not a “whoops” situation. We are far past “whoops.” Whoops is but a distant speck in the retreating horizon. We are solidly in “oh shit” territory, and I expect you to act as such.

* * *

_ Aspirational _

**Diana and Akko:** _*Cuddling*_

**Hannah to Amanda:** That could be us, except we’re not compatible and I hate you.

* * *

_ Hey Akko, it says Gullible on the ceiling! _

**Akko:** When I was a kid, one of my friends convinced me you could eat the paper wrappers that came with candy and I ate them for like a whole year.

**Sucy:** They  _ are _ edible.

**Akko:** _Wait for real!?_

**Lotte:** Why would you fall for this  _ again? _

* * *

_ The Eighth Commandment _

**Croix:** Zing! Just got you with another one of my trademark “Complete Lies!”

* * *

_ And end to the Top Debates _

**Chariot:** You are not a top, nor are you a bottom. You are a child. The bell just rang. Get to class.

* * *

_ Basic Decency _

**Diana:** Are you decent?

**Amanda:** Morally? No. But I  _ am _ dressed if that’s what you’re asking.

* * *

_ That Is A Great Wisdom _

**Andrew:** Lesbians, what is your wisdom?

**Diana:** World hard and cold… tiddy soft and warm.

**Amanda:** Girl hot.

**Marianne:** Watch Naruto.

* * *

_ Anniversary Gift _

**Diana:** Happy one year, Akko!

**Akko:** …I’m seventeen?

* * *

_ Luna Nova Musical _

**Amanda:** OK, has everyone got their parts? Diana, you’ll be playing my mom.

**Diana:** What? I don’t want to be your mother.

**Amanda:** Great, you already know your lines!

* * *

_ She Did It Tho _

**Akko:** Do you guys think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

**Diana:** You’re a hazard to society.

**Sucy:** And a coward. Do twenty.

* * *

_ The Sound of Silence _

**Amanda:** Breathe if you think I’m hot.

**Hannah:**

**Barbara:**

**Akko:**

**Diana:**

**Sucy:**

**Constanze:**

**Amanda:** Guys.

**Hannah:**

**Barbara:**

**Amanda:** Guys you’re all turning blue-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These definitely aren't a cry for help haha,


	5. Chapter 5

_ An Unexpected Guest _

**Amanda, sneaking into the Blue Dorm:** Wake up sleepyhead!

**Diana, waking up:** Ugh, what’s going on?

**Akko, sitting up in bed next to Diana:** The hell Amanda?

**Amanda:** _*Laughs even harder*_

* * *

_ Christmas Special _

**Amanda:** Had a great Christmas idea! Mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to  _ fight _ whoever else is underneath it!

**Everyone:** No.

**Amanda:** MistleFOE!

* * *

_ Easily Forgiven _

**Akko:** Sucy’s one of my best friends! I mean, sure, the day we met she stabbed me in the eye and left me to die in front of a cockatrice, but still!

**Diana:** That second part’s a joke, right?

**Lotte:** Honestly, it’s even worse than she’s making it sound.

* * *

_ Oh Captain, My Captain _

**Akko:** It’s been twenty days since we’ve been lost at sea.

**Akko:** The crew think that I know how to plot a course using this compass.

**Akko:** But I just like making it walk on the map.

**Akko, moving it across the map:** Hehe pointy leg man.

* * *

_ Is Coronavirus real in LWA cause like if it is then the year they graduate is meant to be 2020 and that’d be kinda wild _

**Amanda:** Screw gender I wanna be legally classified as a biohazard.

**Diana:** Well, the good news is now you can be!

* * *

_ The Perfect Excuse _

**Akko:** Sorry I didn’t do the assignment, I simply did not vibe with it.

* * *

_ At Least it wasn’t their Gay Card _

**Amanda:** Hey, looks like you dropped something.

**Amanda:** Your standards. Hi I’m Amanda-

* * *

_ The One Question Scientists Can’t Answer! _

**Hannah:** But how can I be 70% water when I’m 100% that bitch?

* * *

_ No Effort Was Made _

**Daryl:** Sometimes, I feel like I failed in my efforts as your guardian.

**Diana:** _Sometimes?_

* * *

_ Risk and Responsibility _

**Sucy:** I think of myself as the responsible member of our team.

**Akko:** You buried the school under a colony of giant mushrooms.

**Sucy:** Yes, and I take full responsibility for it.

* * *

_ Wingwoman Extraordinaire _

**Amanda:** Yo Diana, that dress looks great! Bet it’d look even better on Akko’s floor!

**Akko:** Are you hitting on Diana  _ for _ me?

* * *

_ Mistakes Were Made _

**Hannah:** Well, at least today can’t get any worse… 

**Amanda:** Hey Hannah!

**Hannah:** Crap, forgot that summons her.

* * *

_ Let’s Go Lesbians _

**Akko:** Lesbians doing absolutely anything is just automatically hot.

**Akko:** Like I literally just watched Diana struggle to cut up a bagel with a butter knife and all I could think of was wow she’s so hot.

* * *

_ Ghost Hunter AU (You Snooze You Lose) _

**Akko:** There’s a rumour that this school is haunted. Apparently a girl died here when she was nine.

**Vajarois:** I’m eleven so shut the hell up.

* * *

_ It’s True and She Should Say It _

**Amanda:** Messed up how there’s like a million songs about Christmas but only one song about the boys being back in town.

* * *

_ Ask Silly Questions _

**Diana:** How do I know if I’m a lesbian?

**Amanda:** If you have to ask me that question, you already know.

* * *

_ The Real Joke Is The Implication Diana Could Dom _

**Akko:** So what’s the plan for tonight?

**Diana:** World domination.

**Akko:** Ambitious, I like it.

**Diana:** After all, you  _ are _ my world.

**Akko, blushing:** Aww, Diana… 

**Akko:** Wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for lack of anything for like over a week, been doing a different project, have this shitpost in lieu of actual content heyoooooooo


	6. Chapter 6

_ Little Witch Academia (TV Anime, 2017, Studio Trigger) _

**Akko:** I’m a genius!

**Akko:** …Oh no!!!

* * *

_... _ **_I_ ** _ Thirsty Hoe _

**Diana:** You either die quenched.

**Diana:** Or live long enough to see yourself become thirsty.

**Hannah:** Is this about Akko’s legs again—

**Diana:** _They’re perfect! Why!?_

* * *

_ The Great Heights of Maturity _

**Diana:** Akko, please come down from that chair, you’re being immature.

**Akko:** Those are some  _ mighty words _ for someone standing in  _ lava! _

* * *

_ *Sips Tea* _

**Daryl:** So how goes your “gay phase,” dear niece?

**Diana:** Better than your marriage, Aunt.

* * *

_ Marrying A Doctor Is The Only Reason She’ll Live To Thirty _

**Akko:** Aw come on, it wasn’t  _ that _ bad. Diana said all my bleeding was “internal,” that’s where the blood’s  _ supposed _ to be!

* * *

_ A Normal Amount of Concern for One’s Girlfriend _

**Akko:** You’re cute when you worry about me.

**Diana:** Then I must be positively radiant at all times.

* * *

_ The Real Deal _

**Amanda:** My future wife is probably fake laughing at her partner’s jokes right now. Be patient, queen. A true clown is on the way.

* * *

_ The World’s Worst Kept Secret Identity _

**Diana:** How are you today, Chariot?

**Ursula:** I’m alright, thank you. Wait, I mean—

**Diana:** Knew it.

* * *

_ A Very Specific Set Of Skills _

**Hannah:** I’m having problems with Amanda.

**Diana:** As in  _ ‘you need help to hide the body’ _ problems or  _ ‘I like her’ _ problems?

**Hannah:** The second.

**Diana:** A shame. I could have helped with the first.

* * *

_ I Swear I Don’t Headcanon Her As This Dumb It’s Just Really Funny I’m Sorry _

**Akko:** I’m gonna get myself out of this situation the same way I got into it: not even slightly using my brain.

* * *

_ Diana x Sleep _

**Diana to Akko:** Everybody gets tired. But specifically today, I’m tired of you.

* * *

_ Appropriately Rated _

**Diana:** Ahem.

**Hannah:** Listen up fives, a ten is speaking.

**Akko:** She’s an eleven, but sure go on.

* * *

_ Paying Respects _

**Diana at Akko’s grave:** May I have a moment alone?

**Diana:** Now listen here Akko, you have taken this hide and seek game  _ entirely _ too seriously.

**Akko, from six feet under the ground:** You’re just mad you got caught in five minutes.

* * *

_ And Repress The Trauma in 3… 2…  _

**Diana:** I still feel like asking you to babysit was unwise.

**Amanda:** What? I was fine! Yeah it was hard at first, but I figured out how to be a good parent. TV and cake!

**Akko:** That worked?

**Amanda:** Course it did, TV and cake  _ were _ my parents.

**Diana:**

**Amanda:**

**Akko:** …Do you need a hug?

**Amanda:** Yeah please.

* * *

_ Diana Go Five Minutes Without Being Sad About Bernadette Challenge _

**Diana:** How can I have “mummy issues,” I don’t  _ have _ a mother.

* * *

_ Please Enter A Password! _

**Constanze:** Conz1!

**Website:** The password you have selected is too short!

**Constanze:** _*Readies machine gun*_

* * *

_ Must Be Missing Her Funny Bone _

**Akko:** Hey Diana, what do you call 1000 kilos of bones?

**Diana:** ?

**Akko:** A skele-ton!

**Diana:** .

**Akko:** _A SKELE-TON, DIANA!_

**Diana:** Dearest, I love you, but this is the  _ fifth _ time—

**Akko:** BECAUSE SKELETONS HAVE BO—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey it's been a while huh. Basically I ran out of jokes LOL don't expect another one for a while.
> 
> (Also thanks to Feleanne for graciously allowing me to use a couple of these here lmao)

**Author's Note:**

> Taking any and all suggestions for the next chapter in the comments, hit me with your worst shots.


End file.
